Herbert's Wormhole Read online

  Herbert’s Wormhole

  Peter Nelson and Rohitash Rao

  To Charlie, and all the times you asked to hear

  just one more bedtime story. —P.N.

  For you, Mom.

  Sorry chemistry didn’t work out. —R.R.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Alex Filby aimed his blaster at the very last Alien…

  Chapter 2

  “Surprise!” Alex stood in his backyard, staring at a brand-new,…

  Chapter 3

  Alex stepped up to the Slewgs’ front door and rang…

  Chapter 4

  Alex sat atop the jungle gym ladder, at the mouth…

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Alex popped out of the cave and skidded through the…

  Chapter 7

  Herbert and Alex hopped a railing and stepped from the…

  Chapter 8

  The nastiest thing about seeing a real live G’Dalien in…

  Chapter 9

  As soon as Alex hit the button, he and Herbert…

  Chapter 10

  Herbert had a look of delighted amazement on his face.

  Chapter 11

  “See? You’ve got nothing to worry about.” Herbert directed Alex’s…

  Chapter 12

  Herbert and Alex made their way down the spotless walkstreets.

  Chapter 13

  Chicago pointed to a strange-looking building. It was basically a…

  Chapter 14

  The three boys made their way across town, with Herbert…

  Chapter 15

  Everyone stepped outside of Andretti’s, dizzy but excited. That is,…

  Chapter 16

  “Securing drop-corridor,” Mr. Illinois said as LO-PEZ hovered the SquadCar high…

  Chapter 17

  Herbert started to stuff his N.E.D. suit up his shirt…

  Chapter 18

  GOR-DON oozed into the center of the Hallway of Human…

  Chapter 19

  Meanwhile…

  Chapter 20

  Alex and Herbert flew out of the tunnel-slide and hit…

  Chapter 21

  The morning sunlight crept through Herbert’s bedroom window, followed by…

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  GOR-DON stepped back to peer at his hard work. The…

  Chapter 24

  Alex’s mom found Herbert sitting in the backyard, glaring angrily…

  Chapter 25

  Sammi stared down at the city drifting below her. “And…

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  POP! Herbert hit the rocky dirt in front of the…

  Chapter 28

  Alex walked out of the Meteors’ locker room, through the…

  Chapter 29

  Herbert was crammed beside GOR-DON in the back of the…

  Chapter 30

  The G’Dalien announcer’s voice boomed from the massive MonitOrb, echoing…

  Chapter 31

  “LO-PEZ!” Mr. Illinois barked. “We are in hot pursuit of a…

  Chapter 32

  With Alex out of the game and recovering in the…

  Chapter 33

  Clouding the excitement from the mystery triple-playmaker was the question…

  Chapter 34

  “Har har har!” GOR-DON’s laugh was as loud as it…

  Chapter 35

  The crowd carried Alex, Herbert, and Sammi through the streets…

  Chapter 36

  Alex, Herbert, and Sammi stood before the fake cave in…

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  It was almost dawn when GOR-DON swept the very last…

  Acknowledgments

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  CHAPTER 1

  Alex Filby aimed his blaster at the very last Alien Invader, then hesitated before pulling the trigger.

  His mom smiled. “Your father’s right, Sweetie. Laser-fry that space-bug’s scaly butt!”

  Alex sighed and looked out his bedroom window. Merwinsville, he thought, had to be the most boring town of all time. Especially summertime.

  For the first half of the summer before sixth grade, Alex escaped his boring town by playing AlienSlayer 2, a video game involving aliens who needed to be slayed. And Alex was very good at slaying them. So good, in fact, he was now one trigger-squeeze away from slaying the very last Alien Invader, saving planet Earth, and reaching the end of the game. But instead of being excited, he was hesitant. Worried, even.

  Right when vacation started, Alex had begged his mom and dad for AlienSlayer 2. He promised them that as soon as he completed it, he’d put it away, play outside, and not ask for another video game for the rest of the summer.

  Big mistake.

  The day after he’d made that stupid promise, AlienSlayer:3-D!, the greatest video game in the history of video games, arrived in stores. AS:3-D! had motion-sensor technology and a built-in holographic projection unit that made the game look, feel, and sound like the actual invading aliens you had to actually fight were actually in the room with you. It came with two shiny silver zip-up motion-sensor bodysuits (so you could play with a friend) and a choice of motion-synchronized weapons: a TurboStaff, a BlasterShield, or a pair of MegaMittens. As you stood in front of the game, AlienSlayer:3-D! sensed your every move in the suit and with the weapons, allowing you to realistically battle the aliens. Every detail of the game was designed for a lifelike experience. As soon as you powered it up, whatever you were watching on TV—cartoons, Dancing with America’s Most Talented Pets, your dad’s boring news show—would suddenly go all fuzzy, and suddenly you’d be face-to-face with LAZ-ROW, Evil Alien Overlord®, who’d announce: “PEOPLE OF EARTH! WE INTERRUPT YOUR MINDLESS ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMMING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR PLANET IS ABOUT TO BE INVADED—BY ALIENS!”

  Then the holographic creatures would begin leaping out of your TV and start blasting away at you on your sofa.

  With this game, Alex could have survived a hundred boring Merwinsville summers. But he’d made a promise. And his dad always said, “A promise is a promise”—although Alex never really understood why. A porcupine is a porcupine, too, but people don’t go around saying that.

  As Alex thought about all this stuff, his parents stood over him, grinning anxiously. Alex looked at the TV, closed his eyes, and pulled the trigger.

  The very last Alien Invader squealed and exploded.

  His mom and dad cheered and high-fived each other.

  Alex sighed and heard what he’d been dreading for weeks: “CONGRATULATIONS, EARTHLING! YOU SLAYED THE ALIEN INVADERS, SAVED YOUR PLANET, AND SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED ALIENSLAYER 2!…WATCH FOR ALIENSLAYER:3-D!, AVAILABLE IN STORES THIS SUMMER!”

  “Gee, thanks,” Alex mumbled. “Now you tell me.”

  His dad gleefully yanked the game out of the back of the TV and started packing it up as his mother kissed him on the cheek.

  “Honey, we’re so proud of you. Not just for saving the planet, but for keeping your promise.”

  “That’s right,” his dad said, stuffing the boxed-up game onto the top shelf of Alex’s closet behind his winter sweaters. “Because a promise is a promise.”

  “Here, sweetie,” his mom said, handing him a folded-up T-shirt. “I made this for you.”

  Alex unfolded the T-shirt. Printed on the front in big, bold letters it said: I SLAYING ALIENS. Alex slipped it on and looked down at it. “Wow. You really shouldn’t have.”

  “That’s not all we shouldn’t have!” his father said.

  CHAPTER 2

  “Surprise!” Alex stood in his backyard, staring at a brand-new, fully constructed, Safe-T-Ki
ds Jump n’ Jammin’ Jungle Gym. It had a swing, a clubhouse, a climbing wall, and a ladder leading up to the opening of a big, blue, spiraling tunnel-slide. Alex thought this could be really cool—if he could go back in time to when he was six years old.

  “It’s a jungle gym,” he said.

  “It’s a jungle gym!” his mom repeated, only much louder.

  His dad nudged him toward it. “Go on, son! Try ’er out!”

  Alex slowly climbed the ladder. He sat at the gaping mouth of the tunnel-slide and looked down. His parents were beaming up at him like it was the greatest day of their lives. Inching forward, he slid through the dark tube, around the curve, and popped out the bottom, landing on the grass. His mom and dad stood over him with huge grins on their faces. “Oh,” Alex remembered to say, “whee.”

  His parents started high-fiving each other again, which was really beginning to annoy Alex. “I know you guys got this for me to help keep my mind off video games. And I appreciate it, but—”

  “Stop right there, sweetie,” Alex’s mom said. “We know what you’re going to say.”

  “You do?”

  His dad chimed in. “Of course we do, champ. You can’t have fun on this baby all by yourself!”

  “Which is why we’ve arranged a playdate for you!” his mom grinned.

  Playdate? Alex hadn’t had a playdate since he was seven. And besides, he knew that his best friends, Henry, James, and Oliver, were all either away at sleepaway camp, on a family vacation, or grounded.

  This was bad.

  “Want a hint?” his mom teased. “It’s someone who lives very close by…”

  This was really bad.

  The list of potential playmates who lived “very close by” included three terrible possibilities. For starters there was Alex’s little sister, Ellie. She was extremely close by. In fact, her bedroom was right across the hall from his. Ellie was an okay little sister, but she was four. Her idea of fun was putting dolly dresses on her stuffed animals and then pretending to take naps with them.

  The second possibility was Sammi Clementine. Sammi was Alex’s age, and lived next door. Alex had seen her racing in and out of her house all summer, in a soccer uniform or a ballet tutu or a karate gi. She was constantly being mini-vanned to some rehearsal or tournament or divisional match. Alex figured she must be pretty good at a lot of stuff, since she did so much of it. He also figured she must be pretty cool. For a girl, anyway.

  The last possibility was definitely the worst. Herbert Slewg was also Alex’s age, and his neighbor on the other side. Herbert was a strange kid. He didn’t have any friends that Alex knew of, but didn’t seem to care. From what Alex could tell from hearing Herbert’s mom yell at him all the time, Herbert enjoyed taking apart small appliances from her kitchen and putting them back together so they didn’t work anymore. Alex had never really spoken to Herbert, but didn’t think they’d have much to talk about—Alex wasn’t interested in disassembling toaster ovens, and Herbert Slewg did not seem to be the video game playing type. Alex looked up at his mom and dad. They had Slewg written all over their faces.

  Oh, no, Alex thought.

  CHAPTER 3

  Alex stepped up to the Slewgs’ front door and rang the bell. Except it didn’t ring. It VROOMED.

  A small vacuum hose wearing fake nose-and-mustache glasses suddenly sprang out of a box just above the doorbell button.

  “Hey!” Alex tried to jump back but was too slow—the sucker-nose pressed against his cheek. And sucked.

  “What the heck?!” Just as quickly, the sucker-nose popped off his face and slammed back into its box. The front door opened, and a woman with a flippy hairdo stood smiling down at him.

  “Alex!” Mrs. Slewg said sweetly. “I thought that smelled like you! Please, come in!”

  Alex rubbed the red suction mark on his cheek as he stepped inside. Mrs. Slewg noticed.

  “Oh, that was our DoorSmell,” she explained. “Just another one of Herbert’s inventions.” She closed the door and pointed to a small vent on the wall. “When someone rings, the Nose-Hose sniffs the caller, and a little whiff sprays in here. If it’s the pizza guy, it smells like pizza. If it’s the mailman, it smells like magazine perfume samples. If it’s you, it smells like, well—did you have sausage for breakfast?”

  Alex nodded slowly.

  Mrs. Slewg cackled. “Herbert loves sausage! Oh, you two are going to be such good friends!”

  She pointed down the hallway, still chuckling. “Go on. His bedroom’s the last door, end of the hall. But watch your head—I’m just about to finish my housework!” Mrs. Slewg slammed a big, red button marked HOUSEWORK and walked off.

  WHOO-WHOO SPLAT! A train whistle made Alex’s head turn just in time to catch a cold, soggy slap in the face. A dripping-wet pair of yellow-ducky pajamas whipped past him down the hall. They were suspended from a coat hanger.

  The hanger was attached to a toy railcar, which sped along tracks stapled upside down to the ceiling. Every few seconds a damp sweater, soaked nightgown, or drenched bath towel barreled by in a caravan of wet laundry.

  “Whoa!” Alex dove for the floor. A spinning metal hubcap wheeled along the rug, bounced off the opposite wall, and zoomed straight for his face. It had big scrubber-brushes attached to its outer edges, and a soap dispenser mounted on top. It squirted a glob of soapsuds into Alex’s eyes as it sped toward him.

  “Aaaaugh!” The spinning contraption nearly scrubbed his face off. Alex jumped up and quickly sat back against the wall as the crazed robo-rug scrubber bounced off his foot, shifted directions and slammed its way down the other side of the hallway.

  Alex rubbed the soap out of his eyes as he heard a metallic ROOOAAAAAAR! from beside him. “What now!?” he yelped. A big, ugly, remote-controlled T-Rex dinosaur toy clunkily marched right at him. Duct-taped to its tiny arms was an electric kitchen mixer, which spun a pair of feather dusters instead of normal mixing wands. Its whirling, dust-filled feathery arms blasted Alex’s nose. He burst into a fit of sneezes and rolled away as the dino-duster continued to kick up dust bunnies all along the hallway wall.

  “Ow-tchoo!” Alex bumped his head against something as he let go one last sneeze.

  He looked up. He never thought he’d feel so happy to see Herbert Slewg’s bedroom door.

  Alex heard a loud zapping sound. Blue sparks shot through the crack at the bottom of the door. Alex checked this against the list, then knocked anyway. The sparks stopped immediately. The door flew open, and Alex nearly fell over. Standing there was Herbert Slewg—wearing an AlienSlayer:3-D! silver zip-up bodysuit! In one of his hands was a small welding torch, in the other was a second suit. This was too much for Alex. Without thinking, he leaped into the room, slammed the door behind him, and snatched the suit out of Herbert’s hand. Herbert stared as Alex frantically zipped up the suit over his clothes.

  “Okay! I’m ready!” he said. He glanced around. “Where’s the game? Where’s the TV? Where is AlienSlayer:3-D!?!”

  “Alex Filby, I presume,” said Herbert.

  Alex shook his hand quickly. “Yeah, hi. Look, I don’t have much time. I came to bring you over to my place, but I’m not leaving here till I play your AS:3-D! game. So let’s do this.”

  “The game isn’t here,” Herbert said. “Well, actually”—he pointed around the room to various, half-built gadgets—“it’s here. And over there, and there’s a little bit of it welded to that, there.”

  Alex picked up one of the odd objects. It was a TurboStaff, one of AS:3-D!’s wonderful weapons. One end was broken open and spilling out wires like guts. The other was sloppily connected to the top of a living-room lamp, complete with a frilly, powder-blue lampshade. Alex’s lower lip trembled slightly.

  “As the sign says,” Herbert explained calmly, “I’m an inventor.”

  “You’re no inventor.” Alex had a crazed look in his eyes. “YOU’RE A MONSTER!” Suddenly, Alex noticed something strange about Herbert’s suit. He looked down at his own. Both
were covered with wires, circuits, and lights. “What have you DONE?!” he said. “You’ve changed the motion-sensor bodysuits!”

  Herbert gritted his teeth and squinted at this whining simpleton. His face grew red and blotchy.

  “Nice theory, Einstein,” he spat. “But no. I’ve modified them. I’m attempting to invent the world’s first Negative Energy Densifiers, or N.E.D., suits, designed to enhance the molecular space between solid objects for the purpose of physical transparency.” Alex just glared at him, so he decided to continue. “By working in tandem with the motion sensors preinstalled in the suits, my modifications will cause an object’s molecular structure to negatively reconfigure at the exact moment of precontact, allowing the suit, along with its wearer, to pass through.” Alex stared at him. There was a long silence. Somewhere far away, a dog barked.

  “You ruined the coolest video game ever created,” Alex finally whispered.

  “Video game?!” Herbert scoffed. “My invention allows you to do in real life things that you could only pretend to do in your precious video games—like walk through walls!” Herbert flipped a switch on the belt buckle of his suit. The lights flashed and the wires began to vibrate.